Lockdown, Day 65

So here we are, week 10 of lockdown in the UK. To be honest I didn’t think back in March that we  would get to the end of May and still be saying it’s too early to go ‘back to normal’, whatever normal is. Personally I don’t think the cultural lifestyle our society had convinced us was ‘normal’ actually worked. Toiling until we dropped, hardly any time for families, the materialistic obsession with always having to have more, putting families into huge amounts of debt, bills going up and up but wages staying at a level that was for so many, barely enough to survive on, In work poverty becoming as widespread as the pandemic we’re fighting, not to mention the pressure school children and teens are put on by their peers to have a certain brand of whatever or face ridicule and bullying. How is that a normal anyone would want to return to?

In our house, life has been significantly more relaxed than usual. I’ve noticed the washing doesn’t need doing as much, our writing and creativity has become prolific, bedtime stories and cuddles can be a bit longer and getting up at the crack of dawn are a thing of the past except for the dogs’ morning ritual. Sure the waistline’s are expanding a bit but the house is a much happier place, not to mention our pets are delighted to get so much attention and the garden is looking better than it has in years. The children still have school work to do and so there has been the frustrated debates over how they manage their time but they aren’t so anxious. They aren’t worrying about all the things that normally play on their minds and consequently not getting stressed.

I understand it is quite normal during these times to experience fluctuations in emotions as I mentioned before. Lethargy is something I’m not overly familiar with however. Tiredness and exhaustion I am well acquainted with and as someone who is always on the go or doing something, unable to just sit and watch tv, I have, on numerous occasions of late, found myself lethargic for no apparent reason. Could it be that I am experiencing a physical outworking of subconscious concerns?

Schools and shops may be getting ready to reopen but with over a thousand people a day still testing positive for Covid 19, not to mention those who haven’t been tested, I fail to see how it is safe to do so. The recent VE Day celebrations, as morale boosting as they were, encouraged people to abandon self isolation as restrictions were lifted for a few hours. The hot weather, bank holiday weekend and half term holiday has beaches crammed with sun seekers and sneaky holiday makers out for the day. What I cautiously ask now is, for a bit of sunshine, enjoyment and so called ‘normality’, how heavy will the price be that inevitably must be paid.

Step mum in Training - April/May 2020 (7)

The Covid19 lockdown has given me opportunity to see what it would be like to be a stay at home parent. I have to admit I am really enjoying being at home all the time. Helping with schooling is an interesting as I try to assist one of the boys with his school work and found it's a bit like dragging water up hill in a hole filled bucket but perhaps this just shows teaching children is not necessarily my greatest skill set, however I'm actually enjoying doing the whole mum thing - ssh.

We're enjoying our new normal too. It's so nice to be able to do things we never had time for, like get a full night's sleep, get work done around the house, spend quality time as a family and enjoy a slower pace of life. Our youngest and I even renovated the back garden. 

My husband is not a fan of parenting books as each child and situation is different. I however am happy to try them, with the possibility of gleaning knowledge I am more than aware I do not possess. I'm currently reading 'Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World' by Kristen Welch. This is an interesting book that I was quite easily able to delve into. There are plenty of examples regarding the behaviour of children at different ages from toddler through to teens, many of which I recognised in my experience on this strange journey called parenting. I kept thinking to myself 'I really wish I'd read this when they were young ' but of course, I didn't, I can't turn back time and now I have to just hope I didn't get it too wrong. There is one section in particular that grabbed my attention which I found helpful. 

'1. Correct kids when they're young (birth to elementary)

2. Direct them as they grow (middle school, junior high)

3. Connect with them as they get older (high school and on).'

Valuable food for thought I shall ponder.

I'm not a viewer of soaps but when time allows I do like to binge watch episodes of Holby City on catch up. There was one particular storyline that caught my attention more than the others. One of the permanent characters discovers their estranged daughter is transgender and is now a man. The response of the parent was cold, dismissive and cruel. This set me thinking, if one of my stepchildren or even my nieces, nephews or godchildren announced they were gay, bi etc or had always felt they were trapped in the wrong body and wanted to change to the opposite of which they were born, how would I react?  Would I be dismissive, refusing to acknowledge the news? Would I be angry or hurt? Would I be understanding and reassuring? Would I be loving and encouraging? These are questions of which I know the answer to some and can only hope I'd get right for the other. The bottom line though surely is that everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who they are. Jesus said 'whoever is without sin shall cast the first stone'. We all have aspects of ourselves that others find difficult to tolerate, some of those things being sinful or considered to be so, some quirks that are misunderstood or choices that are disagreed with. Tolerance and acceptance is something often not found in society, surely therefore the one place it should always be found is at home, with your family. 

We try to be good Christian parents, guiding the boys in the way of the Bible, encouraging their relationships with Jesus. Sometimes this is so difficult when we are very aware that they watch our behaviour and reactions to situations and we are less than the example we hope to be. Often it will be noted that I need to be 'a bit warmer'. 

I still have days where something happens, my emotions swing and I'm plagued, in some cases crippled with self doubt, as anyone knows, it's extremely difficult trying to parent teenagers at the best of times. To be honest my biggest mistake is engaging in things that will potentially cause an arguement. Being a support to my husband rather than a parent has always worked before, I just get so annoyed that I forget to stick to it.

On the whole though, it's going ok. 

‘It’s A Musical’

I am a huge fan of musicals. Ever since my grandparents took me to the local pantomime as a toddler, and every year of my childhood after, I’ve been hooked. Now, I realise that pantos and musicals are not the same but, for me, one led to the other. The sets, the music, the dancing, the costumes, the explosion of life in bright glittering colour, it all drew me in like a moth to a flame. I’ve lost count of the number of productions I’ve enjoyed, and sometimes endured, they are not all cut from the same cloth, or how many times I’ve watched my favourites, mesmerised, reciting from memory every word of the songs, the scripts, the incidentals of the orchestra. But what is it about musicals that capture our attention and our hearts?

I’m yet to enter an auditorium before a musical performance where almost every seat isn’t filled. The atmosphere is electric, tangible with anticipation, often with visual nods (dress style, pins, t-shirts) to the show from members of the audience. As like attracts like, my theatre loving companion for the evening and myself prefer to get there early, ready in our seats for when the orchestra begin to tune their instruments. At this point, the chatter starts to diminish as the clock ticks towards the excitedly awaited start of the show.

Now I’m not going to list all the musicals I’ve seen because, to be honest, I’m pretty sure I’ll forget some, but let’s have a closer look at two of my favourites.

Kinky Boots; This musical is fantastic. Set in the factory town of Northampton, the shoe company of Price and Sons based on the true story of WJ Brooks Shoe Company, is a failing business that takes an unexpected, controversial move to save the factory. Enter Lola, the vibrant, outspoken, larger than life drag queen who turns Charlie’s life upside down with her knee high kinky boots, fabulous singing voice and sassy sharp wit, she commands the stage with ease, oozing glamour and attitude. I have to admit, I absolutely love Lola’s character, her confidence is infectious along with her determination to be who she really is, regardless of often cruel and violent opposition. Charlie is a good hearted soul under the thumb of a girlfriend with high aspirations. Determined to set his own path away from the family business, life however, inevitably has other ideas. When a chance meeting between Charlie and Lola throws them together, both discover a world neither knew of with hilarious results.

I never tire of Kinky Boots, it’s memorable soundtrack, or the one liners that stick in my head and keep me chuckling.

Something Rotten; What can I say about Something Rotten? It’s ridiculous, hilarious, catchy and not at all what you’d expect from a play about William Shakespeare. The story, very loosely surrounding Hamlet, is about the fierce competitiveness between playwrights in Elizabethan England who will stop at nothing to outdo each other, including going to a soothsayer in disguise. Common sense has no place here, the ridiculous is practically a sport, the rolling of the eyes of Queen Elizabeth 1 is easily imaginable. Do not be put off by this however, as it is the combination of these things with the catchy musical numbers that makes this show almost addictive. So far we Brits have not been treated to a live version in England, only the soundtrack which paints the picture for us in great detail. I for one, will be first in line for tickets when it eventually crosses the Atlantic to the West End.

Now, I just want to take a moment to mention those non theatre based big screen musicals that well and truly put me on the path of appreciation for this kind of entertainment. For me, this started with the 1974 version of The Slipper and the Rose and went on to Michael Crawford’s Barnum to Mary Poppins and Chicago, and the more modern Greatest Showman, La La Land and Mary Poppins Returns. Each has their own charm and perhaps cringe moments (Dick Van Dyke’s iconic ‘cockney’ accent), but those I’ve mentioned have great soundtracks, those songs that earworm us at the most inconvenient moment but make us smile regardless. Just because it isn’t on the stage doesn’t make it any less enjoyable, however, although it’s perhaps in a slightly different way. Likewise, a show doesn’t have to be award winning to be amazing, and even though you may not like a particular one or group - I’m not especially a fan of The Sound of Music, Cats, or Oklahoma - that doesn’t mean others shouldn’t appreciate them. It is highly likely that others won’t like your favourites, or will think those you really don’t like are the best thing since sliced bread. Wouldn’t the world be a boring place if we all thought the same!

There are literally hundreds of wonderful musicals on offer, from Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat to Jersey Boys to Everyone’s Talking about Jamie to name only a very few. So why do we love musicals so much? They use song instead of the spoken word, plus dance, to portray and enhance a story but not necessarily a plot. Sometimes it’s simply for entertainment. Whether the plot be happy or sad, we connect with the characters and are absorbed. The songs get into our heads taking up residence, coupled with the visual aspect which transports the viewer into that world close up, therefore when we hear the music, we re-enter that experience again and again, making us wanting more like a drug. Make no mistake, musical theatre is Big business and it’s here to stay.

As Lola in Kinky Boots says,‘Ladies, gentlemen, and those who are yet to make up their minds!’ check out these musical gems, if you haven’t already, or any others you stray across, and remember, "It’s a musical."

Images - IMDb, Pexels, Wikipedia

Baptism Testimony

A testimony has traditionally been about your life story up to how you came to Christ, but mine is not about that.  It's about Jesus and my relationship with Him. I grew up in a Christian family going to church religiously every week, several times a week. Like so many, I believed that because I went to church, I was a Christian but the fact is I wasn't. I was just going to church and going through the motions. I believed in God, I owned a Bible & sometimes I prayed, but I have since realised this isn't being a Christian, it's going to church. A favourite phrase of mine is 'sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car or sitting in Macdonald's makes you a hamburger'. For me being a Christian isn't about duty or being seen to be doing the right things, it isn't about religion and man made rules and regulations, it's about My personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A close intimate relationship closer than that of a sibling or a best friend. I have found the best way to cultivate a close bond of friendship with someone is to really get to know them, to spend time talking with them and in their company. I am so blessed to have friends like that here today. A close relationship with Jesus, our Lord and Saviour is no different. It took a devastating event in my life to realise I'd got it all wrong and seek God possibly truly for the first time in my life. To put my trust in God to look after me and guide me along the path that was His Will for my life, not the one I had chosen for myself that had subsequently gone horribly wrong. 

Life with Jesus is not a bed of roses and anyone who thinks all their problems will disappear when they become a christian is sadly mistaken. But. Without Jesus I wouldn't be here. Not just on the here on the beach making a declaration of faith, but I literally wouldn't be here. Jesus is my Saviour, my comfort, my provider, The One I can trust without question, knowing there is no ulterior motive for help or answer but that everything God does is because He loves me so much He sent His only Son to die for my sins, my failings, all my wrong doing, and He would still have Jesus if it was just and only me that needed saving, but it wasn't it was all of us. As the human race our purpose for being here is to have a personal relationship with Jesus who is God our creator. It's not about being religious, it's about having a simple faith. Faith & Trust in God and having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. 

The following words have become an anthem for how I want to live my life....

All I have and all I am is Yours; there's nothing that I have on earth

that doesn't come from You.

I lay aside my pride and worldly worth;

serving You is the greatest thing

that I could ever do.

For unless You build this house,

I am building it in vain.

Unless the work is Yours,

there is nothing to be gained.

I want something that will stand

when Your holy fire comes;

something that will last,

and to hear You say 'well done',

giving glory to You, Lord.

Cornish Road Trip - written August 2011

I have, for a reason I may yet discover, decided to travel around Cornwall entirely on my own with nothing but my tent and my mostly working car for company. This may not sound that important but I have never been on holiday completely alone before and I am not a fearless teenager. I’m 32, I’m a single girl on an adventure, and for me, this is a BIG deal.

List of essential:

Tent
Mallet - do NOT use your foot!
Spare pegs and that thing to pull them out with.
Sleeping bag
Pillow – use cushion from car
Blanket
Stove & spare gas canisters
Trangia (pack together pots & pans)
Toilet roll
Kitchen roll
Baby wipes
Wellies, umbrella & mac
Folding chair
Folding table
Matches.  Tip: keep matches in the car or at least in a plastic bag. Saves frustration with damp matches when in need of that 1st cuppa.
rucksack
camera and spare batteries
mobile phone and car charger. 

 

Having replaced my 40 year old much loved but now well past it 4th hand khaki green Challenger tent with a modern blue 2-man tunnel tent, I packed up my little green Peugeot 206 and headed for the West Country.

I had intended on leaving at 5.30am but not being an early bird, I always knew this was ambitious, but still, on the road by 8.30am isn't bad– and my cats has been fed – mustn’t forget them. I never listen to the traffic reports, first mistake. M25 south side is closed both directions. Ok, not a problem, armed with a satnav and a map – yes I’ve learnt to read a map – M25 north side instead. Yes it’s a little longer but what’s the point in fighting a road block. Everything went smoothly, music up, full fuel tank, 1st 3 nights booked, until part way down the M5 took 2 hours to go 10 junctions. Very glad I didn’t leave any later. Finally the traffic cleared and the queues started for the nearest service station, so I drove straight to the next one. Taunten Deane Services, I can highly recommend the Pasty Presto stand outside the main entrance. Alternatively there’s always Burger King – yuk – inside and Costa coffee mmm.

Finally I reached Cornwall and its like passing through an invisible barrier where everything on the other side is slower. As cars fly past and although I am driving the same speed had been for most of the journey, now it feels like I’m going far too fast. From St Austell I take the B3273 to Mevagissey and then the long winding road to the Seaview International Campsite in Boswinger which I stayed in last year. On exiting Mevagissey the road has sharp bends and in some places very narrow single track. Whatever the speed limit says, go slower! About 2-3 minutes from Boswinger the road becomes split in 3 parts, left, middle and right. The satnav directs up the right-hand track but don’t take this, its extremely narrow, steep and should be ignored. Going straight ahead (middle road) and staying on the 2-way road is a much better idea, a lot less hair raising and less hassle although fractionally longer.

1st night – The tent went up without a hitch and then the rain came. Having camped for many years in a tent, for some in the Highlands of Scotland and having had a good teacher, I knew I’d done everything correctly, but as the wind howled, the rain fell heavily and the thunder crashed, I was still a little nervous it might not withstand the battering. It's considerably colder in the tent than at home and its going to be a long night. Good job I brought multiple blankets.
 
The next morning my tent is still standing, the sun is shining and a helping hand to a fellow camper has got me an invite to breakfast, nice people with a similar sense of humour to mine. As they packed up to leave, I headed for the Eden Project. On the way there I called in at the Lost Gardens of Heligan where I spent a pleasant day last year, but this time I went to Lobbs Farm Shop in the entrance – didn’t have time last year. It’s a nice well presented shop, quite expensive – except for eggs and jute bags, but the people are friendly & will help in any way they can including offering recipes of desserts lost in time – and selling the ingredients of course. The shop also has demonstrations etc in an adjoining room so in my 5 minute stop I also went to a free art exhibition.  


I waited 9 years to go to the eco paradise The Eden Project, coming last year  v  on a very short visit solely to see it. Now I've come again and am not disappointed. Tip on approach : the furthest car parks (cherry and melon) are over a mile away from the visitor's centre/ticket office. Unless trying to clock up more pedometer steps or cycling to the entrance (bike racks are provided) park closer. Also wear trainers or good walking shoes & thinner/cooler clothes. The Rainforest Biome is well worth a visit but it is hot & very humid. 

So far I am having a good time, the tent is staying up and have met some nice people. Moving on tomorrow. It’s raining on and off but I don’t care, I have my (union jack) umbrella and wellies and a big person shaped plastic bag so I’m all sorted.

Day 3

Change of plan, I've decided to put the steam train off til later so instead an explore of the local beaches. Here I found Caerhays Castle & the beautiful Porthluney Cove.

If you've ever seen Pride & Prejudice, (the one with Colin Firth not the one with Kiera Knightly), there is a beautiful scene where Elizabeth Bennett is in a carriage with her aunt & uncle travelling along the very long tree lined driveway to the home of Mr Darcy. As the carriage turns a corner there is a break in the trees allowing for a clearing and here is where she first sees the magnificent Pemberley beside a lake. Although not accompanied by the appropriate music, I felt as though Elizabeth Bennett must have on first seeing Pemberley. (Pride & Prejudice, the one with Colin Firth not the one with Kiera Knightly) in seeing Caerhays Castle come into view.

The next stop for the night is Penance Mill Farm Touring Park. (TR11 5HJ. 01326 317431) On approach go to the bottom of the hill, not turn off earlier as sat nav says.
The tent is up. I'm pitched in the overnight field, there is a couple in a tent next to mine and another couple in their 50's opposite. All seems fine so I'm off for a little explore around Falmouth. It's evening when I return and my little corner of the field looks a bit different from when I left. The two couples have now gone and there is now from what I can hear, men in every tent. this may sound like an ideal opportunity to some but not for me. Being a woman on her own, not really knowing where I was, this made me uncomfortable to say the very least.

11.30pm: Too scared to sleep, so talk to my friend on the phone for hours and regular updates on facebook makes me feel a little safer. Have I just been kidding myself that I could do this? Really? By now I'm seriously considering finding the nearest Travelodge for tomorrow night but for now sleeping in the car is the best I can do to get some rest, its less roomy than the tent but much warmer and I feel safer. Good job I’ve got little legs.

Day 4

In Falmouth it’s regatta week & I'm off to historic Pendennis Castle. Cornwall is blessed with pleasant weather, the sun is high and warm with a gentle sea breeze. A day exploring before moving further afield.

A change of schedule, tomorrow there will be a medieval jousting tournament at the castle in full dress, music, food etc. I will definitely be coming back for the festivities. I rang a couple of motels but there was no room at the inn so I put aside my anxiety and phoned the campsite I’d just left.

As I hadn’t planned on staying another night I now wish I hadn’t taken my tent down, but the owners had no problem with me staying another night or 2 which was a great relief.  The campsite I didn’t like turned out to be really nice - how wrong could I be. 

A fantastic day watching the Jousting, unfortunately though I took more notice of the wind than the sun and now have a face like ripe pomegranante.

The day is well worth seeing but don’t forget a picnic and a seat as the day is long and so are the queues for food/drink. Also sunburn. Even though its overcast and breezy, I’ve got sunburnt but needed a jumper most of the day.

A brief stop at the Minack outdoor theatre is a sight to behold. Hand built from the rock by a small group of volunteers, then used to perform Shakespeare plays with the magnificent backdrop of the sea behind. A note of caution, the road to the theatre is very steep. Drive slowly.

After a fascinating yet tiring day at Tintagel Castle, the legendary birthplace of King Arthur, I put my possibly misplaced trust in my loyal friend Satnav. I have been taken down a narrow winding road with a 20% gradient. I don’t mind admitting I was a little scared. The trees blocked out the light so I couldn’t see the bottom, had no idea how far down this road went and for a moment froze, but even though there was no-one behind me I couldn’t go back, I couldn’t turn round, I could only go forward – into the dark, the unknown, gear in 1st & foot on the brakes I rolled down the hill. Fortunately my fear was short lived as I had only moved about 6-10 feet before I could see the light again 50 feet or so ahead of me. Bit hair raising getting here. My poor car must have thought I was torturing her.

Its getting dark and its been drizzling for hours, but the tent is up, its dry and the kettle’s on.

….until next time,

I hope you have enjoyed it and my trip tips will prove useful on your own adventures. 

Am I too old to play with.......

I am by nature a very creative person and when I find something I like, I really throw myself into it, for a while anyway, regardless of how much space it takes up. My current fixation is dolls houses, although my husband says it’s an obsession.  Ok, I’ll accept that, I have a tiny little obsession with grown up dolls houses. Since I was a little girl I wanted a dolls house of my own, but not one that was already perfect, I wanted one that needed doing up. Just like my mum did when she was a child, I would make furniture from match boxes with split pins for drawer knobs and the like, whatever I could make use of. Finally while I was in secondary school,  my dad brought one home he’d found at the local tip. It needed a lot of work. The first thing I wanted to know was, ‘will the roof open?’. It didn’t,  that never stopped me from taking a screwdriver to it. Now 25 years later, I have a creative space that is currently home to a considerable number of doll's houses, some in better condition than others. This, I hope, will be a life long creative obsession. Come along and join me in my journey of trial and error in a miniature world.

step mum in training - part 4.

These past many months I haven't written my blog. I haven't wanted to write down my thoughts and be slammed for them. 

These blogs are written from my own perspective of how I see it is being a step mum rather than the kids are this or that. It's very if not brutally honest and often written through tears before being rewritten so less pain filled. It is not appreciated by all and I have received quute considerable flack for it but thankfully on the whole people have been very encouraging and supportive.  I am not naturally a mum. I have no maternal instincts and was not designed for this role. Every day I'm witness to a torrent of evidence as to why I am not suited to this role no matter how hard I try, yet here I am, desperately trying to get something, anything right.  So this is my private & often embarrassingly public struggle with being a step mum.

To say me and the older one don't get on is an understatement. I have a limited understanding of children, zero understanding of teenagers and each day this is screaming evident. A very common exchange of words in our house goes as follows:

'Arghhhh what?!'
'All you do is nag'
'Why are you here?'
'...... you got this one wrong'
'You don't help yourself when you react'
'You always sound like you're having a go'

To be fair that's not all that is said but it is what I hear, what I filter therefore the internal tapes are having a field day. Unfortunately some months ago I got so angry I punched the panelled door except it wasn't wood. I'd completely forgotten the panels were actually painted panes of glass and my fist went straight through it. I'm not proud of myself,  all I feel is shame. Surprisingly it didn't hurt half as much as the telling off I got off my husband after, even with the shards of glass in my hand. And therefore I go to my automatic go-to solution. I withdraw, hide & cry. 

I'm trying so hard to be a proper mum, a half decent mum, but I'm just not made that way, this is however the role I'm in so I have to work it out. I pray, take it back and try to do it all myself, then realise that was foolish and the loop starts again. Perhaps I'll be better when we have grandchildren.